I woke up this morning and decided I don’t want to love you anymore. I can’t want to love you anymore, I can’t. So today, I will be strong and I will laugh and I will read a book. I will clean my room and feed my cats. I will call my girlfriends. I will ignore your calls, I will ignore the thought of you because I can’t. I can’t keep loving you like this, I can’t keep my heart this exposed to the world. I shouldn’t be this vulnerable. I should be able to say no to you. I should be able to walk away without looking back, but I can’t. And I refuse to believe that I can’t. I just know that today I woke up and decided not to love you, and that’s what I plan to do.
"I am occasionally loveable but for the most part I’m like loving a raincloud."
♥ 7848
→ 16 Jun 13 at 2 am
→ 16 Jun 13 at 2 am
Letter From Anais Nin to Clementine von Radics(After Marty McConnel)
(via loveswilde)
"For women who are tied to the moon, love alone is not enough. We insist each day wrap it’s knuckles through our heart strings and pull. The lows. The joy. The poetry. We dance at the edge of a cliff, you have fallen off. So it goes. You will climb up again.
You rare girl, once again, you have a body that belongs to no lover, to no father, belongs to no one but you. Wear your sorrow like the lines on your palm. Like a shawl to keep you warm at night. Don’t mourn the love that is lost to you now. It is a book of poems whose meters worked their way into your pulse. Even if it has slipped from your hands, it will stay in your body.
You loved a man who treated you like absinthe, half poison and half god. He tried to sweeten you, to water you down. So you left. And now you have your heart all to yourself again. A heart like a stone cottage. Heart like a lover’s diary. Hope like an ocean.
"
"How far have you walked for men who’ve never held your feet in their laps? How often have you bartered with bone, only to sell yourself short? Why do you find the unavailable so alluring? Where did it begin? What went wrong? And who made you feel so worthless?
If they wanted you, wouldn’t they have chosen you? All this time, you were begging for love silently, thinking they couldn’t hear you, but they smelt it on you. You must have known that they could taste the desperate on your skin. And what about the others that would do anything for you, why did you make them love you until you could not stand it? How are you both of these women, both flighty and needful? Where did you learn this, to want what does not want you? Where did you learn this, to leave those that want to stay?"
We do this thing- every time we see each other, the minute we touch. We melt into one another wordlessly and that’s how it stays, wordless. I can’t say I mind. I want you any way I can have you.
I don’t know why I do this, I don’t know why I am always here, without hesitation. You tell me you want to cry in my arms and I am there, I am there when you want to be kissed, I am there. I am here. You are not here. I can admit to myself that I’m the one who’s stumbling through this.
I’m the one with hope. I’m an idiot. I’m happy. I am. I’ve conquered so much, I can conquer it all. I know it. I know I don’t need you but oh how I want you. How I worry about you, about your dreams. How I ache for them to come true because I know how badly you want it. It’s all you want.
And all I want is to see you happy. And to watch you grow. And to keep you here, to keep me in check, intact. Even if we’re not intact.
But you tell me that I am in love with love. But I am in love with you. And that doesn’t make me selfish. It’s not selfish of me to kiss you each time because I am afraid each time is goodbye. I think I love you selflessly, because I am only there when you need me. I will always be here when you need me.
Even if my heart stays this way, in this constant squeeze. I don’t remember what it feels like to not have my heart squeezed. Heartbreak can cause physical pain and I am aching and I am bruised.
"If your body is a house that even you refuse to live in, why would anyone else ask to move in?"
"He became the sun, I became the moon"
♥ 49311
→ 10 Jun 13 at 11 am
→ 10 Jun 13 at 11 am
I Miss Sleeping Next To You. (via frauneu)
(Source: sadlittlewords, via caatlady)
"Sleeping next to someone,
not with someone, is perhaps
the most intimate you will
ever be with another human.
In sleep, we are completely
defenseless. We are soft
and supple and childlike.
Our hard exteriors falls away
when the sand hits our eyes.
The way you sleep, with your
face softened and your arms
wrapped around my waist,
is the most beautiful thing
I have ever seen. I am not an
artist, but I may become one
just so that I can capture that
moment."
"Just because we can’t be together, doesn’t mean I won’t love you"
